Let me explain Brexit for you.

Photo by James Claffey on Unsplash

Blimey, that’s quite a big ask, isn’t it? Explain Brexit, indeed. Oh well, I’ve statrted so I’ll finish…

Three years ago, in 2016, David Cameron made a very rash promise: he decided to have a referendum to ask the question “Would you like to leave or reamin in the European Union?”.

To which question, 52% of the electorate answered “Leave”. Only 52%? Yes, in fact, only 52%. Or, as the Leave.EU campaign described it, ”A resounding victory.” The Will Of The People Had Spoken.

Now, I’m not denying 52% is a victory. Otherwise I would be a traitor. But a majority of 2%? Really?

Anyway, it is what it is. And so, we give notice of our intent to leave the EU via Article 50, which notifies Brussels of our intention to leave. And that’s where the fun begins.

The next step is to negotiate a withdrawal agreement (WA) and now the sheer lack of creativity of the Conservative party is obvious. They caused this mess, they called the referendum, they promised us no downside, sunny uplands etc etc. Well, I see no sunny uplands.

They also promised us the negotiations would be the easiest ever, because the EU needs us more than we need them. Of course it does. So why have the negotiations been so damn difficult?

So difficult, in fact, that we are now only 18 days from leaving the EU and no deal has been struck. No deal, no sunny uplands, no “easiest negotiation ever”. A shambles.

Leaving the EU did for Teresa May, giving us Boris Johnson in charge of negotiations. And, frankly, it’s not proving easy for him either. He has come up with “ideas”, all of which have been already rejected by the EU. One might come to the conclusion that he never wanted a deal, that he’d much rather leave on the 31st October without a deal of any kind. A “Clean Break” Brexit, much desired by Nigel Farage and the Brexit Party.

A Clean Break would cost thousands of people their jobs, lead to shortages of food and medicine, force us all to follow the awful advice in those “Leaving the EU” ads.

This is simply the worst own goal from any government, ever. We will be a Cleanly Broken country. No upside of any kind, never mind sunny uplands. Never mind £350 million pounds a week for the NHS or any of that other nonsnse Leave.EU promised us.

We will take our place in the great world order, a much-diminished country with no support from our neighbours. Instead of making trade deals as one of a 28-country bargaining block, we will have to go it alone. Which probably means a trade deal with the US on Donald Trump’s terms. Trade tariffs where there are no trade tariffs today. Yes, things will be so much better when we’re out of the EU.

As a Scot living in England, I’ve never been in favour of Scottish Independence. Until now. Scotland needs to separate from the UK and, in time, re-join the EU. It’s the only sensible move. In fact, we could leave the EU as one country and return as three. (I don’t think England will ever return, but who knows?)

Perhaps, in the end, the best thing would be a Clean Break brexit. Then we’d see, quite quickly, the extent of the clusterfuck we’ve drifted into. When we’ve had nothing to eat for a few weeks, and we’re desperate for a potato, then we’ll come to our senses, force the government to revoke Article 50, and return to the sunlit uplands of the European Union.

True Crime and Crime Fiction writer, not a serial killer. But he would say that, wouldn’t he?

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